The 401-Keg Investment Plan

If you're worrying about how to invest your money with Wall Street and the economy being so unstable, here is some guidance.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for a recycling refund, you will have $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It is called the 401-Keg Plan.

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon! Makes you proud to be an American!

Staring Problems

Golf & Bathroom Etiquette

10. Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.

9. Form a loose grip.

8. Keep your head down.

7. Avoid a quick backswing.

6. Stay out of the water.

5. Try not to hit anybody.

4. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead of you.

3. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others.

2. Be quiet while others are about to go.

1. Keep strokes to a minimum.

Kids Zone

Good Form

Irish Bank Robbery

An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him, and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also.

Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

Did anyone else see my face?' asks the robber?

There is a few moments of silence, when one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:

"I think me wife may have caught a glimpse."

Heavy Petting Envy

Two very horny and under-sexed college freshmen are wandering around campus on the prowl when they notice a dog licking his balls.

"Man, I wish I could do that," says the first guy.

The second freshman replies, "Don't you think you should pet him first?"

What A Lucky Monkey

Hell Isn't So Bad?

A man dies and goes straight to hell for having lived a sinful life, and upon his arrival Satan asks him, "Do you like to drink?"

"Absolutely," says the man.

"Well, you'll love Thursdays then," says Satan. "All we do is drink beer, whiskey, vodka - anything you want. And you're dead, so there's no hangover."

"Sweet!" says the man.

"Do you like drugs? asks Satan. "Because it's same deal on Friday - all the drugs you can possibly take without any side effects."

"Awesome!" says the man. "There has to be some catch to all of this?"

"Not at all," says Satan. "You're gay, right?"

"No," says the man.

"Not even a little bit gay?" Satan asks.

"Not at all," says the man.

"Oh, well, then Saturdays are going to be a little rough!"

Icey Car